i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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