I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
420 ftw
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
