i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
