My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
