God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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