my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize