You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish I could teleport
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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