I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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