to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is Oprah even human
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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