my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
