Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
