There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
