come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
