my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
