just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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