sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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