Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
