I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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