This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
