I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just high enough for therapy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
