My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
