Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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