Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
