Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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