I met the friendliest cop last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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