and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
