So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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