So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
