Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
