I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
