i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize