we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bring money and cleavage
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
