Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
