From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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