The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
