I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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