there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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