just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
