I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
