people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
