Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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