So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
