Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
