just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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