question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
