He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
