What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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