I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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