Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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