My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pooping to opera.
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