shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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