I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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