he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
