Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
