you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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