I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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