Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
