dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
