That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pooping to opera.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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