If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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