M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
