Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
