the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
