peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
