When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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