Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i need some magic done to my vagina
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