Someone shit on the floor
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
