I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
