i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
