You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
