did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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